frog_at_fsu

I'm back

2005-02-28T04:33:33Z

YO YO YO!!!

So yea, I haven't updated this thing in freaking forever...so I figured I'd throw a few thoughts down for "old time sake".

Life is treating me pretty good right now, getting great grades, having good parties, writing some good music...it's all fun and games. Spring break is gonna suck...considering I'm not going anywhere and I'm working ungodly hours the whole week but hey it's all good. I'll get some cash and refill my bank account so the rent's can get off my ass a bit.

I'm kind of bored right now...not really sure what else to put down. I think I'll just call it quits for another month...try again later

modifications...

2005-01-08T05:49:28Z

I've taken the time to stop and ponder on the word "modify".

I'm not gonna pretend, I'm not gonna hold anything in, I'm going to be completely honest right now when I say...I have been very very depressed for the past few weeks.

I feel as though I am missing something very important, it's just out of my grasp.

I feel useless, helpless, hopeless, and loveless...and it's tearing me to pieces inside

inadequate

outdated

shut down

de-valued

obsolete

...words that should never define a person's attitude towards themselves.

I need a modification...I need a "reboot" on my hardrive, necessary updates.

I look back...and I can think of only a few times for the past 2-3 weeks where I have been truly happy...one of those times was having a Romeo Y Julieta with Nick (homeboys & gentlemen)

I need some reassurance in my life

GRADES!

2004-12-16T04:04:36Z

WELL!!!!...I just recieved my grades for this past semester...and I got 3 A's and 2 B's...HELL FREAKING YES!!!!!MY NAME IS JUSTIN AND i KICKED MY CLASSES ASS THIS SEMESTER!!!

lol, I am very excited as you all may recall my problem with last semester's grades being...bad...so this is nice change and for those of you who know my dad...you know that the family household is quite pleased with my results. Now I just need to keep it up...shouldn't be too hard right? I'm having a fantastic Holiday and this just made it even better

Oh yea, if anyone has a class that they dont' want to take or know of opennings in it...i am desperate for another 3 credits...i have 11 grrr!!! so close. So if you know of anything, give me a holler!

Peace!

almost home...

2004-12-11T08:09:34Z

So yea, it is friday night...actually Saturday morning and I leave for home tomorrow! That is so freaking exciting...and I'm going to the beach for a while before I have to start working at the restaurant...but that's cool cuz I'll be making some mad money at night, every night, all break. So yea, I've been just chillin, got most of my packing done, been downloading music and waiting to get tired so I can passout...

Went out to eat tonight with Amy and some of her friends, we had a good time at TGIF....hmm...fitting restaurant. Amy, I'm dissapointed in you...next time, don't order extra honey mustard if you can't eat the first bowl...

So yea, wrote some songs tonight aswell. Tonight has been a pretty eventful evening in my oppinion...now if I could just be tired I could....oh wait....could this be it...YES!!!! IT IS!!!!

Fatigue has entered the building!

Night!

Great night!

2004-12-07T08:53:48Z

Tonight...was awesome. Went out with Kate to get some mexican food at On The Border, then came back and chilled while we studied for our exam in Family Development. Had a glass of wine and just talked for a long time too, she's a really interesting girl, definately interested in getting to know her better this year.

That was the highlight of the night, then came the attack...I had a freaking panic attack instigated by a certain person that shall remain nameless but I'm sure everyone remembers my ex....(hint hint). So yea...that was shitty, and scary as hell. I'm so fed up with all of that drama, I dont' want to be friends... I just want to be left alone!

gah..

ok...I'm just gonna think about the beginning of the night and how freaking awesome it was!

I don't need this...

2004-12-04T21:27:03Z

just got off the phone...and I have to say that...that I can't win. I fucking hate when this shit happens. No freaking closure about anything in my life...just one long running fucking chapter...I'm never gonna open myself up again...that was a huge mistake and now, I feel the pain ONCE MORE!

I don't need your security
to fight off the chaos
that I have created for myself...

I don't need it...

just take deep breaths...

2004-11-30T19:48:50Z

found out some news today that kind of got me down...but I have to bounce back.

Tomorrow I have my first final...Religion...ooooohhh what joy...

Today is kind of a blah day...not really eventful except for lunch with some friends...that seems to have been the best part.

OOHH and talking to andi...she rocks the socks off my world, makes me feel soooo much better, thanks again andi:)

so...my life seems to be kind of just slowing down, maybe it's the fact that I'm almost done with this semester and Christmas break is so close...I can't wait til I can finally work again and get payed nicely!!! Being a server is a lot of fun to me...and I hope I can get my job back, but it's looking promising.

SO ya, haven't talked to ol' sarah much lately...things there are kind of slow there aswell. I remember when she was all I could talk about on here...now I find myself having to restrain...that's sad :(

just a footnote to everyone reading this...i might seem a bit down if you see me, I'm in a depressed state right now...that I'm having trouble getting out of...so if I seem out of it or just a little frustrated...sorry but it's just my life right now is a little depressing. I'm praying a lot and I'm thinking of a lot of things I haven't thought about for a long time...

ya...so I guess that's it for today...peace
Justin

...confused

2004-11-29T06:26:59Z

I really don't understand what's going on right now...!

I can't figure things out and it's driving me crazy...!

I keep feeling like I'm getting mixed signals everywhere...!

GAHH!!!!!! I wish...girls were not so freaking confusing..!

GRRRRRRR

I'm slightly stressed right now...but mostly confused, i don't know what i did...or how I screwed up..but I messed something up along the way, and now I'm kinda freaked about it cuz...I dunno what I did wrong!!!...:*(

I don't know what to do...I suck at LIFE!!! I SUCK AT THIS DAMN GAME!!!

I suck...at anything resembling a relationship...they hate me

hmm...

2004-11-27T16:53:35Z

Right now...things are going good. Not as good as I wished they were going...or as good as they were a few days ago...but none the less, they are good. I am going over to Marshall's place to play a little halo trny with like 15 other people...should be good times :) Haven't seen those guys in forever so i'm excited.

Maybe play some hold'em tonight with john and his family. His step-dad is hilarious, I can only imagine what it's like to play poker with him...should be interesting.

I've reached a few realizations while being home...you would think someone would look back on their weekend and see a great time at home with the family and seeing your friends...but something happened this weekend that kind of dampered my spirits...and it sucks :( (I'm sorry)

...blah...

hope this lasts...

2004-11-25T16:09:54Z

the feeling I had when I woke up this morning...was indescribable. I'm glad to be home. I'm glad to be with the family, and tomorrow...is ridiculous shopping day for Xmas. Man...it's gonna be crazy!

So, I hope everyone is having an excellent Thanksgiving holiday, mine is going great...I love the smell of my house right now...*sniff*...*sigh*. I can't wait for that beautiful turkey..mmm

Have a great one, be safe

Turkey day!

2004-11-24T03:57:27Z

So yea haven't updated in a while so I figured...why not!

This week has been pretty hectic with tests and papers due and other crap that I've been working on but for the most part...the hardships are over for a while. Now I get to go home tomorrow for Thanksgiving!!!!

Sarah came to visit today...such great times. She is so awesome in so many ways it is not even funny. We went on a walking tour of the campus and I showed her the library cuz she always hears of my love affair with the amazing library...so yea..hmm...we also alleviated a problem in which we both knew we had in common...;)

So yea, now me, Sarah and John are watching...laguna beach on the tv...I don't understand that show!!!! I don't know if it's acting or real!!!! oh well

I guess that's all for now, I hope everyone has an amazing turkey day...get stuffed my fellow starving college kids...get sleep my fellow sleep deprived college kids...get excited!!!

long week ahead

2004-11-15T18:10:25Z

What's up my friends

this week is going to be long...I have to read a book and write a 4 page paper by wednesday (not fun) and I have like 2 tests to study for aswell, all while cleaning up the house so that it's not a total pig stye when Sarah visits.

I have a lot of laundry to do...grrrr not fun, I guess i should get started though, this was just a short entry to let everyone know that if I'm a little grumpy this week...it's cuz my life is beginning to cram!

Peace,
Justin

I'll call you later...MSG'D!!!:)

good morning...eh

2004-11-14T14:20:29Z

wow, so yea last night was soooooo much fun. Me and John went with one of his friends and her fiance to go eat at chili's. He's a cool cat and so is Kimmy (john's friend). we had good talks.

then we had some more fun using some beverages which shall remain nameless and a little handy book that starts with a Mr. and ends in Boston...;)

Then I got to talk to Sarah, which made my night complete. I couldn't get a hold of her like the whole night cuz my damn phone wouldn't get reception in that room, but it's ok cuz I just called her from John's phone and got to talk to her. I was messin with john the whole night telling him that she has a new favorite person...man he would get sooooo defensive about that, even when I assured him he could never be replaced and I was only kidding...he would still be like "NO, NO, NO!"

Got home after that...and man did I not feel good. And to makes things slightly worse, I see lindsey walking outside to her car probably to go to the tep house to see her boy toy. so Yea, I tried to stay away from that cuz...I was afraid that words would be exchanged and i didn't want to do that to her. She's a great girl... but definately not the girl for me. She's got some issues that I can't help her with. Oh well, it's all good cuz then I got inside and called Sarah and she made me feel better even though I was reintroduced to my dinner.

So yea, now I'm here, next morning...wide awake at 8:30!!!!! what the crap man, this always happens to me. whenever I want to sleep in...I can't and whenever I shouldn't or don't need to at all like for instance...before class...it's inevitable that I will. I do have stuff to do today, plus I gotta start cleaning so that when Sarah get's here she won't think too poorly on me because of the hurricane disaster area that is the essence of my room at this point and time. just clothes...all over the floor...I need to do laundry.

well, the hangover is easin up...i think the shower really helped :) and yea I think I'll throw a load of laundry in the wash.
Call ya later ;)

Insomnia...

2004-11-13T08:34:10Z

Hello all,

I am sitting here, in my room, depressed cuz I am suffering from insomnia. It sucks. I have a SPLITTING headache...and I keep thinking about stuff that's going on somewhere else.

I did get to talk to ms. someone special tonight. She was out partying it up, getting hit on by guys. Sounds like she was having a blaaaast...and I was jealous..because I wanted to be there with her so we could have fun togayther...but I couldn't...:( It's all good though, I'm just glad she called me tonight, made me feel all happy inside :)(had the smitten kitten smile on).

She is definately an awesome girl who likes to party and have a good time. I would like to visit her...but I can't for a while cuz of school and crap! She'll be visiting me and john soon though hopefully, and I'll see her over Thanksgiving holidays so that's good. but I want to party with her, she sounds like a blast to be around in that scene. I mean, I think she'd be a blast to just sit down and have dinner with...but I'm not giving out any more information on that ;)

so yea, feelin a little tired now...I guess I'll go to bed...
I hope you got home ok ms. someone special!:)

Another beautiful day!

2004-11-12T17:18:08Z

Yes...today, even though slightly rainy out...is a great day, but here's my theory on that:

If you can be happy even in the rainiest of days, the gloomiest of nights, the lonliest of mornings...then you are set for life!!! Seriously though, if those things don't get you down (which they shoudln't) then you are in good shape for a long and happy life. I know that may sound pretty obvious...but until you have really experienced those times and you can say that you've moved on from the unhappy times, then you really don't know the meaning of a new appreciation for life and everything good that can come out of it. I just came out of a hard hard time in my life, but I had God there at my side the whole time...and my friends were there to keep my chin up and man, seriously, as much as I wanna not cry when I think about that, my friends here at FSU are the shiznit!...they have really carried me through some serious loads and piles of crap that was poured into my life. They kept me going when I didn't want to...and I was too tired to get up, they picked me up. I want to say thank you to all of them...and yea, a livejournal is not the greatest way to say thank you..but don't worry I'll get to ya'll throughout the year and really give you my appreciation for you being in my life.

I also want to talk about someone else who has really shinned a big light in my life right now. We've been talking for only a short while, but..she gives me a great great feeling whenever I see the phone say her name is calling. She has made things for me easier as well, not by what she says to make me feel better but just being herself...her personality is so uplifting!!! I really really like the convos we have, she is a special girl, hopefully we can meet up soon, I should make a road trip.

Above all of this...I want to thank God for everything He's done in my life to make me a stronger person...I couldn't have succeeded at anything without Him. I'm eternally grateful, and humble with my mistakes I've made that He has forgiven...Thank you God...:*)

Gosh...I didn't intend this entry to be so thankful but, hey!!! it works!!!! when you feel thankful for something, don't hold it in!!!! just express it to the fullest amount, because it is that special!

But seriously, I am greatly blessed for everyone in my life right now...you all are very important to me, and one day I hope to make it all up to ya'll for the crap I've put you through :)

I'm going to go play Racquetball with John now...Sammy to another ;)
I'll call you later, you know who you are ;)

chillin...

2004-11-11T18:13:38Z

Here, on this veteran's day...I am doing nothing. Considering that Thursdays are usually my hell days, having this day off is nice. I don't have anything to do..and I feel completely lazy and unproductive...but eh whatever. Things are kinda stressing me out today..

I downloaded limewire, so I could my friend a cd for his movie he's doin for his g/f (everybody say "awwwwww"). But limewire is pissing me off royally...so I stopped for a bit, then I'll go back to it later. um...whatelse

I talked to sarah for like .3 seconds, hopefully her test goes well today, it sounds like she has a "make ya/break ya" test today so everybody pray for her, she'll need it she says. She's really cool to talk to, I enjoy the conversations we have, even though us talking in our voices annoys her roommate, it's fun!!!! (mandy should try it sometime). Hopefully, I can come to visit her soon so we can hang out in person, that would be shweet!

Yea...maybe I'll play halo later on...lol, seems like that would be fun

Peace,
Justin

woohoo class cancelled!!!

2004-11-10T21:02:24Z

Yase, so Religion Class was CANCELLED TODAY!!! So I'm...in the library again...geez this is getting bad, I'm always in this dang place. Oh well, it's all good. I just made a friend though, she was complimenting me on the face that I have LiveJournal too!!! I need to get face book though...supposedly it's the "coolest thing ever". But whatever, I have things to do I guess.

Yea, I think I'm starting to acquire ADD...thanks sarah!!!lol. j/k.

so....

yea....

um...

I'm gonna be a dork and play pool on yahoo...yay for us nerds who like halo and play computer games.

wow...yay for me!!!

more of the same...

2004-11-10T16:28:53Z

What is up my friends. Today...is going pretty good except for the fact that I can't breath through two important orphaces in my face...but thats ok!!! (nose). How is everyone else doing in life, cuz right now I'm doing pretty good.

Talked to Sarah again last night, seems she had a little band party to go to which sounded cool. Am I the only person who's never been to a "band party". I mean I've gone to concerts...is that the same thing? Anyway, she seemed all excited about it so it must be a good time. Sarah, we'll have to check one out when I come up there to visit with john. And, oh yea, I'm still waiting on the code name ;)

I am in the library again...but I'm in the main room where there are bookoo computers in here so I won't be the only one being annoying.

I gotta write a paper in a bit, lately my entries have been uneventful, hopefully something will happen to change the lulling state that my LJ is in right now.

Peace,
Justin

I'm back!

2004-11-08T20:42:13Z

Yes yes yes, I am back to the ol' LJ. I was out for a while but now I'm back just like Mase.

SO yea, updating from the library right now...procrastinating my studying for my Family Development test today at 5:15, but it's all good cuz I got another hour or so before the beating commences. You know what, I never knew how freaking loud a computer's keyboard could be until I sat down at this piece...geez I must be pissin everyone in here off. I've already seen like 3 people move and look at me with a glaring look. Maybe they are admiring my nice black eye I have...making mean remarks in my general direction under their indisputably bad breath (because apparently I have ultra sensitive sense of smell that I can make that accusation).

But on a lighter note...I talked with John's cool cousin Sarah last night online. That was a conversation and a 1/2. Such an interesting girl, so full of charisma and happiness. Great outlook on life too, we spoke for a while and she's really someone I want to get to know her better because we seem to have a lot in common with each other and a lot of the same interests. UNFORTUNATELY, she lives in Georgia and goes to Auburn. It's all good though, I'm gonna visit her soon enough when john goes back up there to visit. It'll be good times I'm sure, maybe by then I will have been given a code name :)

well...I guess I should get back to studying, I've made enough people mad at me on this computer that I think it's time for me to start fearing for my health. Right as I speak...this man is looking at me with this face that just screams "GET OFF THAT COMPUTER!!" so I will give in to his wishes.

Stay tuned, same bat time, same bat channel!

Peace,
Justin

...things are lookin up..

2004-09-08T16:16:02Z

So ya, my last entry....not a good one. Now, things have changed a bit and my depression lull is kind of letting up for a while. The cd I recorded with John over the summer has been finished and it was sent to us. That was a good day...I was excited. I'm not really sure what to think much these days though...I kind of find myself just...spacing out infront of a wall sometimes. Ya ever get those days where it's just kind of...down time all the time. I've been havin those lately, and I know what it's from...but I guess this is how I cope with stuff...I space out and just dont' think of anything at all. Like last night, I literally just sat in front of my blank computer screen and stared at the pitch blackness of it. Usually when I get in these types of moods, song lyrics start just flowing out of me, I had this one song I wrote stuck in my head like all day the other day...and then I never wrote it down...and I forgot it completely now!

On a side note, if I encounter any of my friends and you are reading this right now...I'm sorry if I appear a bit out of it. Right now in my life...I am,lol. I tell ya it's so hard to just forget about stuff that has such a big affect on you.

Andi, I'm gonna call ya tonight after my classes so we can talk...cuz I need you're help right now with some stuff and I know you are the best at giving advice cuz you and I know each other very well and that's what good friends are for...so answer your phone when I call.

And finally, I want to say something that has been weighing on my heart for a while. I don't understand what God is doing in my life right now, and I have a hard time dealing with the decisions and the things I've said to the closest people to me. I do want to say I'm sorry though, I'm sorry to anyone who may have ill feelings towards me for any reason. I know ya'll might just say that I'm being dumb but I'm serious...I'll feel better tomorrow knowing that I apologized today. but there is one person who should get more than an apology, they deserve a change...and I'm going to do that for them...I will change my habits and the way I have been the past couple weeks. You will see a change and hopefully it will make everything better between us.

iamoru...

-jc

AHHH DAMNIT!!!!

2004-09-03T05:18:54Z

HOLY FREAKING CRAP!!! I am so freaking tired of everything in my life right now....!!!!!!!AAGGHGHGHGHGHHGGHAOIGALGDA'KLGNHA;DGKQ...you ever just get in those moods that...when you think everything is gonna be ok in your life and all the things you've prayed for are gonna be answered well damnit!!!!!! I wish that was my case...

I'm sooooo so so so so tired of my...self. I can't do anything right, I can't say anything right, and everytime I open my fucking mouth, my foot just goes right on in....like a freaking huge insert here sign is blinking on my mouth. AAAAGGGHHHH!!!!! I hate gossip shit for one...I hate the fact that I can't tell anyone anything without the fear of something getting leaked out in conversation...and I"m tired of people who say they love me making me feel like I am fucking chopped liver!

I have done so many things in my life that are worth recognition...and I have worked so FUCKING hard to do what is best for other people...everyone knows me as the nice guy, the guy who will do whatever you need. I'm not doing that anymore!!!! I'm venting tonight because a freaking can of worms have been openned. For those who know me well, you know I don't get angry often...and when I do it usually doesn't last too long,...but this time it's different, I am so Damn pissed off at the freaking world right now that I can't even think straight...I am stressed about school, I am stressed about other things that shall remain nameless (but you know who you are)...I strongly dislike (one notch under hate) the feeling I have in my heart right now for everything I've ever tried hard to achieve...

I am depressed...I have hit the bottom of my depression, I can't move my body, my head feels like it's going to topple over like a bowling ball balanced on the tip of a pin...and I can't get out of this ditch!

I really hate life right now...and I never really have hated life before...so this is all new to me

Back in the saddle again!

2004-08-31T03:03:58Z

yea so I'm back at FSU! I am so ready to kick this semester's ass too! but...there are some things that have come hard to me already this year. This is not gonna be an emotionally easy year. I am so drained right now because of a few big things that have happened in my life that I really wish could have been avoided. I just want everything to come out ok so...if you guys are reading this, please pray for me I need it more now than I ever.

On an lighter note, I recently recorded a cd with my roommate john whom some of you have met... others are not so priviledged and it is gonna be rediculously good. I am so freaking ecstatic about it being finished too, it should be done within the week. Yea well, thought I would update a bit on the ol' LJ, dust it off a bit ya know. Got some hw now to do but I'll check ya'll lata

Back in the saddle again!

2004-08-31T02:57:16Z

yea so I'm back at FSU!

Things are looking up..

2004-06-24T14:15:43Z

So ya, got my 3rd test back and I made a 71...which isn't that great but when the test average is in the 60's it makes me feel better. So I still have a good good chance at getting this B that I'm shooting for and then I'll be right back at FSU!! I'm working my ass off here though so for everyone who is reading this right now...please please say a prayer for me for this class because it is without a doubt the hardest class I have ever taken...it is harder than chem 1 was at FSU...so that should tell ya something. Thanks a lot! Peace.

Justin

Lindsey....iamoru

This Sucks!

2004-06-16T17:10:35Z

Yeah...haven't updated in a while...and there is a lot going on in my life right now. First, I have decided to quit my job so that I can focus completely on school, however, I am scared I won't be able to make the grades to get back to FSU. I am so far up shit's creek right now that...a paddle would do me no good anyway. Also, I hate it being away from Lindsey...so freaking far away, cuz if something happens there and I'm here!!!!!I can't do anything about it. I just have to trust that she will be ok alone while her parents are away...grrr...by the way..her b-day was today...so wish her a happy one, she'll appreciate it. so ya...that's a lot of crap right now in my life that's going on...and I really hope that I get these grades. One of them I'm not worried about, it's the other that is giving me so much trouble, Chemistry II. WE'll see how everything goes though...I should be ok though, the teacher sees i'm working hard and she's saying that I"m gonna be fine. SO I'll listen to her and just study my freaking ASS off....more....I'm not gonna have a butt after this summer, I'm gonna have to sit on my thighs...oh the pain!
Peace